Oh naked. So naked.

So LCD and I have a similar taste for adventure and have had a few “mylifeisajoke” moments. Once we went to Canada and ended up driving 30 miles the wrong direction into Canada while I attempted to navigate with a mojito in hand. Then last week we went to see the new HP and came out to find a flat tire. We decided that we were going to attempt to change the tire ourselves, to be “independent women!” No such luck, we just didn’t have enough uumpf, or body weight…

The other day we decided to get out of Burlington, out of the impossibly sizzling hot heat. We went to this wonderful water adventureland, full of waterfalls, waterslides, swimming holes and just magic. It literally wasn’t real life. Clearly I still can’t get over how amazing it was. At one point we decide, hell we’re out in the wilderness and there isn’t anybody around… we’re going to tan topless.

Then we decide we want to take one of those topless abroad pictures that keep popping on facebook.  So as we’re doing that, I look up at the road and there is a group of people walking by, and yes the middle aged man looks down and sees us and I just die laughing. He smirks at us, but luckily doesn’t inform the rest of his group. But look how awkward the picture came out…

It kind of gives you second hand embarrassment just looking at it doesn’t it? We took another one on LCD’s camera which was much better. But this one is just much funnier. Like actually, could not get any more awkward.

We move from our tanning spots into the river. Swimming, enjoying the freedom. You know. Casual. I stand up at some point and look down river. There is a man standing up and staring straight back at me. OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I dive back down into the water, not able to control my laughter. I pop back up, because I just have to know if he’s still there. Oh yes, he is.

We contemplate going to get our bathing suits when I notice there are two people walking straight up the river towards us. We freeze. Not sure what to do. I decide we should just stay under water until they pass. But no, they decide it is a good idea to set up camp on the rock across from our little beach. Are you kidding? There is literally one other group of people in sight. And you choose to come sit down right next to us? And we’re half naked. GET OUT. We start to get cold and just have to go for it. LCD rescues our tops, taking one for the team. Our stealth tanning mission turned into a “let’s see how many people we can flash” mission. Jokes.


Match me! Match me!

I can’t believe I have not blogged about my match.com experiences yet. Boring is literally dangerous for me. I dream up and on occasion actually carry through with absurd ideas. For instance I recently decided I wanted a change and that change is going to be cutting my hair short for the first time since I was 5. And yes go out the next day and chop off 10 inches. Or in this case, join Match.com.

So I made a profile, an entire blog dedicated to it- obviously didn’t follow through on that- and jumped in. And by jumped in, I mean I got a lot of emails, winks, “i’m interested in yous” and some chats. I responded to 3-4 emails but never got up the courage to actually go on a date. I have to say though- if you’re looking for an ego boost, this is the way to go. I recently found this in my inbox:

How freaking adorable is that? And like, I couldn’t stop laughing when I first read it. I still laugh. He wrote a poem for me, and used my favorite word! Yes, irregardless is a word.  If I was actually looking to find someone, he totally could have been my match. But because I’m not, well it’s just funny. And have now showed/read in my Dr. Suess voice (yes, I have a Dr. Suess voice) said poem to everyone I come in contact with.

PS- Just joined Okcupid, so much better.