Sinds’ List of Top 10 Best Holiday Gifts to
Get Give if Your Life is a Joke
1. Victoria’s Secret Thermal Long Jane in “kissie white”
Last Hanukah I made Neil buy me a fleece onesie with penguins on it. It has footies with grips so I don’t slip while I’m running through my house, and a detachable butt flap which provides me easy access to use the bathroom when I’ve been drinking wine to warm up in the winter. This is a sexier, cuter version that I saw when I was watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. It doesn’t have footies with grips but it DOES have a butt flap that says “Kiss This.” Done and done.
P.S. While watching the VSFS I breifly considered bulemia. Just a side note.
2. Kate Spade Taxi Mittens
These are totally cute and the only reason why they’re not completely bizarre is that they’re made by Kate Spade so we know they’re cool. My good friend’s sister used to work for Kate and Kate’s dog peed in her bag. Anyway, these are cute for your fun, trendy friend who just moved to the city! If you don’t have one of those, then there are some other mitten options on the website. Sorry the picture is so miniature.
3. “If You Don’t Love Books You’re Going to Love This Book” Someecards.com book of postcards
If you’ve never heard of someecards, go look now. They design HILARIOUS e-cards to send to people for all different occasions including EVERYTHING you’d ever want to send a card for and more. I literally just sit on their website and read the cards because they are so sarcastic and witty and amazingly funny. This is a book of 45 hilarious postcards. Honestly just buy this one for yourself.
4. Keel’s Simple Diary
These are diaries for the friend or relative who is prone to writers’ block. Each page has questions for you to fill in and inspirational quotes for you to ponder. I am partial to the yellow one, but they also come in red, blue, green, brown, and orange.
5. Ticket Stub Diary
While we’re rocking the diary theme, this one is SO GREAT for someone who loves to see shows, concerts, sporting events, etc. Something a little out of the ordinary and fun.
6. A Cross-body AKA “Going Out” Bag
Bunny likes to refer to these as Satchels. One time, at a mixer, we counted how many sisters were wearing them. So basically, every
college student stereotypical sorority girl should have one. I love Marc by Marc Jacobs, but if you’re really rich you can buy the Chanel version for your questionably deserving friend!
http://www.shopbop.com $198.00 (Marc by Marc Jacobs); $2,995 (Vintage Chanel)
7. Custom Chocolate Bar
So there’s this website where you can create your own chocolate bar with totally cray-cray ingredients. You start with what type of chocolate you want (dark, milk, or white) and then choose up to six INSANE things to put in it, ie lavendar, cayenne peppers, teddy grahams, brazil nuts, rose petals, bacon, runts, etc. If you’re not that creative, they have a bunch of pre-made combinations too. I think I’m going to make some vile combinations for my favorite frenemies.
http://www.chocomize.com starting around $5.00
8. Pillow Pet Slippers
Sooooo I once got a Pillow Pet as a gift despite the fact that I am not a child. Let me just tell you something. Pillow Pets are like, really soft. They’re LE BEST. So naturally I asked Neil to buy me the slippers so that my adorable little toes can stay warm in the winter. I have the unicorn ones and i get A LOT of compliments on them. A lot. But they pretty much only come in child sizes so I guess you should get them for a kid and not for an adult.
9. Panty Gram
So one day when KP was looking for a birthday gift for her mom, she stumbled across Panty Grams. You send it to your boy(or girl-)friend and they get a black envelope with a red thong and a personalized message from you. What your boyfriend then does with the thong is beyond me. You can pick from several different types of messages: mild, flirty, wild, exotic, or erotic. Yup. And in case you’re not sure about which holidays Panty Grams would be appropriate for, their website has a calendar which includes Groundhog’s Day and Daylight Savings. Happy Independence Day, babe, here’s a random thong!!!!!! Totes.
10. Faux Fur Scarf
Okay so the other day I came home and there was a HUGE Neiman Marcus box addressed to me. I knew I didn’t order anything (drunk-ordering was also out of the question because I knew I didn’t do that either). I tore open the box and there was LITERALLY nothing in it but a small strip of faux fox fur. Not big enough to be a scarf but also not an appropriate size to be… anything. No receipt in the box. No gift card. Nothing. Just one suspicious package with some dead fox inside. So this one is kind of a joke but also kind of not a joke because faux fur (vests, coats, SCARVES??) is in this season!
ENJOY BITCHES. HAPPY $PENDING.
My list of fantastic holiday gifts- mostly things you should be putting on your list, but the occasional gift you could give as well. I wish you an absolutely wonderful holiday season! It truly is the best time of year.
So the best gift I have given this season has obviously been Lobsters. It was my mother’s birthday on December 2nd and I had this idea. She was in California and I in Vermont; naturally the best idea was to ship fresh Maine lobsters to her! I used this service and they were fantastic. I realize it may be a bit silly, but my life is a joke, so what can I say.
So I will be living off campus in an apartment next year, naturally I have begun looking for objects that will enhance this living space. If you are looking for something to spice up your child’s room, or your own room, or even the library we all wish we had. This is what you need. A flying carpet, obviously.
Pretty and Privileged OPI.
This is my new favorite color of polish, and no not just because of the name. It is the absolute best holiday red I have ever found. It will also be a great winter color. This makes it a fabulous stocking stuffer, or perfect for one night of that Secret Santa week you have to participate in.
The Widow Cliquot
For the hostess of that great (or not so great) holiday party you attend every year. Who can resist a little Veuve. This one even comes in a nice gift box- and it’s even on sale.
This is a gift of pure luxery. Jules Allen makes to die for cashmere sweaters, scarves, sweaters etc. This is the perfect gift for your sister, girlfriend, wife, mother… really any female. They will love you for it. I personally recommend the long sweater, it fits well under long coats, but can also be worn around the house with pajamas.
Life size YOU.
So, as you may have seen before Sinds and I have this giant poster of ourselves. So for your best friend, roommate, sibling or anyone who you are obsessed with or hey who is obsessed with you… you can get a giant poster. Shutterfly will print these on paper, or if you feel like being a big spender on a canvas. This would also make a great gift for your mother if your family happened to have a photoshoot this year.
So, back to the whole “enhancing my living space” concept. I want these. But they are also perfect for anyone who is into fish. Or just simply likes to be classified as “quirky” or unique. It may be a bit far-fetched, but just so fantastic. Also, they come from skymall- one of life’s best creations.
Did you visit someone for thanksgiving, did they have you over for a nice dinner? Whoever you need to thank for whatever great thing they did for you. Do you need to send your mother-in-law a pre Christmas visit gift? Well than, this is exactly what you need! Whether or not you choose chocolate strawberries or some other scrumptious edible arrangement, they are all to die for. I have both given and received these treats, and trust me they are always received well.
Every girl needs a pair of glitter heels.
So it is starting to occur to me that this list is turning into a list of my favorite things, but oh well. These shoes are just SO much fun. I kind of feel like tinkerbell when I wear them. I have a pair with a slightly shorter heel which I recently wore to a sorority formal and I just loved them. These should absolutely be on your list of wants.
I have never wanted anything more than I want this. Ok that is definitely not true. But honestly, who doesn’t want a singing telegram at some point in their life. They legit have every character you could want. So if you have a friend with a great sense of humor, or a sibling you are always trying to embarrass/outdo, I highly suggest you order this NOW.
These may not be the most helpful gift ideas, but think about life with each and every one of them. It would be just a little bit better. In some cases, a lot better!