First of all. Can we talk about the grey font because I get a headache every time I try to read a post. I guess we’ll have to change that one of these days.
Anyway. I made a bowl of popcorn and m&ms for Neil and I to enjoy while reading our books on the porch.
And by books I mean, I’m reading a book and Neil is reading a book via his iPad (spoiled) which he LITERALLY calls his “NeilPad.” I can’t make these things up. I sat down with my book and my bowl of popcorn and was excited to start my journey into House Rules by Jodi Picolut. Only I couldn’t start reading because I realized that I cannot eat food and read a book at the same time. Unlike Neil who is absentmindedly reaching into the bowl with a huge hairy fist, I need to delicately pick up one morsel and a time and make sure it is good enough to make its way into my mouth. I need to see that the chocolate to kernel, butter to kernel, and chocolate to butter ratios are satisfactory. Then it hit me. I’m one of those people that inspects everything she eats. But what about in a movie theater, when it’s dark? I thought to myself. I definitely can’t inspect each kernel in the movie theater. Then I realized that my appreciation of movie theater popcorn outweighs my interest in inspecting the food. Clearly I place a lot of trust in the preparation of movie theater popcorn. Also, I will forever have good ol’ water by my side to flush out the bad taste if anything goes awry in my eating experience. Furthermore I realize that, had I chosen to watch TV instead of read a book, this conflict would never have arisen. See, I can inspect my popcorn and watch TV at the same time because even when I look down for a second to look at the popcorn, the action (or more like verbal fights between the Kardashian sisters) that’s going on doesn’t stop. When I’m reading a book I have to stop every time I look down then find my place, etc etc. So there I sit, staring into the bowl of popcorn and almost definitely looking a little insane while I rapidly inspect, eat, search for a new piece, inspect, eat, search for a new piece and all the while my carefree boyfriend gets to enjoy his “book” AND his treat at the same time. Astonishing.
I’ve never been good at transitioning from topic to topic so I’ll just come out and say it. Below is a list of the trendiest things of 2010 that are so G-ddamn trendy they literally make me vomit. Literally.
1. Carrying Starbucks coffee. With 158 Starbucks stores in Manhattan alone and 7,087 stores in the U.S., it will forever be trendy to hold your G-ddamn coffee cup when you’re walking to class, leaving the gym (do they sell Starbucks in your gym or something?), or shopping for new underwear because you’re too lazy to do the laundry that you buy new underwear because that’s a lot less work than doing laundry, right KPEACE??!
2. Acai Berries. Pomegranats too, but mostly acai berries. This berry, which no one in the world knows how to correctly pronounce so most people just mumble it when it comes up in conversation, is a berry that must have just recently sprouted up into the world because apparently we just discovered it and all of it’s antioxidents, metabolism boosters, and other health benefits. So stir up an acai smoothie (or, if you’re like me and KP, and acai cocktail) and get fucking healthy.
3. Donuts. 2005-2009 were all about the cupcakes, with trendy but mediocre cupcake bakeries including but definitely not limited to Crumbs and Magnolia Bakeries in New York City, and Sprinkles Cupcakes in LA. There’s even a cupcake bakery for men called Butch Bakery who promises “manly” cupcakes by featuring macho ingredients such as bacon, chipotle, and vagina. Well guess what. Move over cupcakes because 2010 is all about a new trendy baked good – DONUTS. Ask anyone who knows their shit. Fancy donut shops are popping up all around NYC and I’m sure there will soon be one in your town as well. So FUCK OFF cupcakes.
4. Going to dinner at 9:30. People who “grab a bite” before they go out at night are literally untouchable. For our two-year anniversary I made a reservation for Neil and myself at a trendy restaurant and had to make it for 9:30 because there was nothing else available. But when I got there I realized how fucking cool I was for doing such a thing. It’s literally only good-looking people. The guys order bacon-infused whiskey on the rocks and fucking foie gras and the girls order grey goose and water and sushi with brown rice and gold inside. It’s like the coolest thing ever. And also, Kanye West rarely eats dinner before 9pm.
5. Blogging. I’m so ironic because THIS IS A BLOG. The best is when people start blogs for when they’re studying/traveling abroad. As if people are super interested in your nine hour flight to Tel Aviv and the culture differences you experienced when you arrived in Barcelona! PS there are no culture differences in Barcelona because I can guarantee that everyone you meet is also a 21 year old college student who just wants to spend a semester partying. Anyway, blogs are super trendy because it’s just another way to share too many details about your semi-interesting life and connect with complete strangers. If you want to know MY favorite blogs go here, here, and definitely here. PS look out for my new blog about my adventures when I study abroad this spring.
6. The Great American Debate between OPI and Essie nailpolish. This is killer. Do I want Jade is the New Black or Mint Candy Apple? Do I want the cool rectangular bristles or the classic circular bristles. These days I’m totes swaying towards OPI but every woman must make the decision for herself.
7. Teacup pigs. Remember when Paris Hilton decided that teeny tiny dogs were adorable and trendy and she carried one around in her pink Balenciaga bag and gave it a cute name (Tinkerbell) and then she lost it? Well now she decided that the new trendy miniature animal that we all must carry around is a teacup pig. Like a teacup poodle, only it’s a pig. And we all must listen because she is Paris Hilton and she is the princess of trendy and also teacup pigs are fucking ADORABLE, no matter what KPeace says.