I am going to pretend like Sinds’ last post never happened. Dislike. I think I literally cringed while reading it. Anyways, I have been trying to decide what to write about, there have been so many viable options for a posting. I think I will try and give the highlights of the Peace Family Christmas.
To Start- Meet My Parents!
Next, I just want to share with you all my inappropriate choice in jackets for a trip downtown to finish last minute shopping. Keep in mind I am in Southern California and it is 60 degrees and sunny out. And that I do not even own a jacket of this length or warmth (yes, it is a down knee length puffy jacket) for when I am in Vermont in the dead of winter.
It all began with our Christmas Eve dinner. I don’t think I had laughed so hard- well I guess since I sat on Cornflakes and broke plates. But, my father was in actual physical pain from laughing so hard. I had never seen so many odd expressions on the faces of my family. It was just the five of us: Grandma, Dad, Mom, Sister, Me. Don’t worry that even though it was Christmas eve, I made everyone watch the Maccabeats rendition of Dynamite twice (go watch it now if you have not already, it’s great!). I told my grandmother that many of my friends at school were actually Jewish and not Christian. She looked perplexed for a moment and then says “wow, I did not meet anyone who was Jewish until I was 40”. I was tempted to start reciting the bits and pieces of Jewish prayer I had picked up over the years- but I refrained.
The first conversation of note went something like this:
KPeace- We’re all going to do family karaoke tonight!
Family- yeah I think not, no. Grumble, grumble. Etc.
KPeace- ehhhh just drink another glass of champagne, you’ll all be fine!
Grandma- You know, champagne makes me aggressive
Family- silence, then erupts into laughter
So one of the gifts I opened that night was a set of cards called “Mother Earth”. A set of tarot cards, which my grandmother gave me with following explanation. “I thought these would be a good size for you to travel with, maybe you could do tarot card readings and charge a few dollars. That way you could make some money while you are traveling”. YES, definitely the first thing I will do if I need to make some money. Anyways, I did give/do a tarot card reading for my mother. I don’t remember the details at this point, but the photographic evidence is funny enough.
So the next gift opened, is my sisters card set. It is a set of cards WITH ANIMALS ON THEM. You choose a card and my sister then finds it in her book and reads all about what it means. I DO NOT LIKE ANIMALS. They make me choose a card, I am whining about it blah blah blah. Of course… I draw a blank one. Someone must have been looking out for m? Which I have to fill in with my animal of choice, an animal I like or whatever that is not already in the deck. I choose my friendly fish friends to add- the only animals I truly like.
But much funnier, my grandmother chooses the prairie dog. Which obviously stirs up some not so appropriate dinner table mutterings.
Grandma: what’s prairie dogging?
It gets so much worse. My sister literally starts reading the card like 6 times before she can spit it out, she is laughing that hard. I generally refrain from discussing topics such as “prairie dogging” but I am sorry I just can’t resist this one. The card says the following: “Prairie dog reminds you that pushing too hard can create resistance. Take a break, give it a rest. After a comfortable and relaxed time you can return with a fresh perspective.” At this point we have lost all control. Everyone is dying laughing. Grandma has no idea why we are laughing, but she is laughing right a long with us.
And then my sister explained why we were laughing. And what it was. BYE.
There were a couple other absurd moments that occurred on Christmas Eve and Day. My grandmother telling us she made “eggless” egg nog. My dad HITTING a girl (that we did not know) in the FACE with a frisbee IN THE MALL. I may have sent Sinds a text that simply said “Secret. Society.” Who knows what that was about. I found weed “Crumbs” on a white sweater I received. I legit (soberly) fell down a staircase- ouch. I got a vibrating bug in my stocking. This was created: