The Florida sunshine has thorougly fried my brain and I have not been able to put together a coherent blog post in days. So I’ll try, but I’m warning you: I’m not feeling very funny.
I’ve been hiding out from the boob jobs, beemers, and bitches of my hometown. I’m in Bonita Springs, Florida with Neil, Papa Nick, and my mom. Those two sentences could have been one sentence but I couldn’t figure out a way to make it both grammatically correct and not ambiguous. As some of you might know, yesterday was Christmas. If I were in New York I would spend Christmas eating Chinese food and going to the movies like all the other Jews. But since we’re here in Florida (and the private beach was closed) we decided to go to the Lee County Dog Beach.
You might be thinking that it’s a really cute idea to bring our pup to a dog beach and throw him some frisbees, let him sniff some other dogs’ butts, and romp and play in the sand. It would be cute. If we had a dog.
Which we don’t.
So we were those creeps who went to a dog beach with no dog. Picture a middle aged man in a trench coat who goes to a children’s park or a playground on a hot summer day with no kid. That was me. But to make it worse, we weren’t just creepily staring at other people’s dogs…. we were photographing them.
Regardless of how bizarre we looked, trolling the dog beach with no kanine companion, it was kind of wonderful. There were dogs EVERYWHERE enjoying the pure bliss of being able to run around freely, with lots of other dogs to play with. They were literally running around in circles with no clear destination and no purpose. Pure happiness.
My mom, probably the biggest animal lover I’ve ever met (ie: she cries when she sees roadkill), got really upset when she saw a great dane looking around helplessly in search of its owner. My mom refused to leave the beach until she was sure the owner was found. Just simply ridiculous. Sometime around then I couldn’t take it anymore I decided it would be appropriate to start randomly calling out names so that people would think we had a dog that just wasn’t near us.
“Ned! Comere Ned!”
Okay, so I know that was a really awkward ending to my story. But like I said I just can’t THINK anymore. My brain is just so exhausted from all those finals I took, I guess. Hope you all had very happy and safe holidays! And if not, I hope you got really drunk to make up for it!
Photocred: Neilche Enterprises