Sinds’ List of Top 10 Best Holiday Gifts to
Get Give if Your Life is a Joke
1. Victoria’s Secret Thermal Long Jane in “kissie white”
Last Hanukah I made Neil buy me a fleece onesie with penguins on it. It has footies with grips so I don’t slip while I’m running through my house, and a detachable butt flap which provides me easy access to use the bathroom when I’ve been drinking wine to warm up in the winter. This is a sexier, cuter version that I saw when I was watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. It doesn’t have footies with grips but it DOES have a butt flap that says “Kiss This.” Done and done.
P.S. While watching the VSFS I breifly considered bulemia. Just a side note.
2. Kate Spade Taxi Mittens
These are totally cute and the only reason why they’re not completely bizarre is that they’re made by Kate Spade so we know they’re cool. My good friend’s sister used to work for Kate and Kate’s dog peed in her bag. Anyway, these are cute for your fun, trendy friend who just moved to the city! If you don’t have one of those, then there are some other mitten options on the website. Sorry the picture is so miniature.
3. “If You Don’t Love Books You’re Going to Love This Book” Someecards.com book of postcards
If you’ve never heard of someecards, go look now. They design HILARIOUS e-cards to send to people for all different occasions including EVERYTHING you’d ever want to send a card for and more. I literally just sit on their website and read the cards because they are so sarcastic and witty and amazingly funny. This is a book of 45 hilarious postcards. Honestly just buy this one for yourself.
4. Keel’s Simple Diary
These are diaries for the friend or relative who is prone to writers’ block. Each page has questions for you to fill in and inspirational quotes for you to ponder. I am partial to the yellow one, but they also come in red, blue, green, brown, and orange.
5. Ticket Stub Diary
While we’re rocking the diary theme, this one is SO GREAT for someone who loves to see shows, concerts, sporting events, etc. Something a little out of the ordinary and fun.
6. A Cross-body AKA “Going Out” Bag
Bunny likes to refer to these as Satchels. One time, at a mixer, we counted how many sisters were wearing them. So basically, every
college student stereotypical sorority girl should have one. I love Marc by Marc Jacobs, but if you’re really rich you can buy the Chanel version for your questionably deserving friend!
http://www.shopbop.com $198.00 (Marc by Marc Jacobs); $2,995 (Vintage Chanel)
7. Custom Chocolate Bar
So there’s this website where you can create your own chocolate bar with totally cray-cray ingredients. You start with what type of chocolate you want (dark, milk, or white) and then choose up to six INSANE things to put in it, ie lavendar, cayenne peppers, teddy grahams, brazil nuts, rose petals, bacon, runts, etc. If you’re not that creative, they have a bunch of pre-made combinations too. I think I’m going to make some vile combinations for my favorite frenemies.
http://www.chocomize.com starting around $5.00
8. Pillow Pet Slippers
Sooooo I once got a Pillow Pet as a gift despite the fact that I am not a child. Let me just tell you something. Pillow Pets are like, really soft. They’re LE BEST. So naturally I asked Neil to buy me the slippers so that my adorable little toes can stay warm in the winter. I have the unicorn ones and i get A LOT of compliments on them. A lot. But they pretty much only come in child sizes so I guess you should get them for a kid and not for an adult.
9. Panty Gram
So one day when KP was looking for a birthday gift for her mom, she stumbled across Panty Grams. You send it to your boy(or girl-)friend and they get a black envelope with a red thong and a personalized message from you. What your boyfriend then does with the thong is beyond me. You can pick from several different types of messages: mild, flirty, wild, exotic, or erotic. Yup. And in case you’re not sure about which holidays Panty Grams would be appropriate for, their website has a calendar which includes Groundhog’s Day and Daylight Savings. Happy Independence Day, babe, here’s a random thong!!!!!! Totes.
10. Faux Fur Scarf
Okay so the other day I came home and there was a HUGE Neiman Marcus box addressed to me. I knew I didn’t order anything (drunk-ordering was also out of the question because I knew I didn’t do that either). I tore open the box and there was LITERALLY nothing in it but a small strip of faux fox fur. Not big enough to be a scarf but also not an appropriate size to be… anything. No receipt in the box. No gift card. Nothing. Just one suspicious package with some dead fox inside. So this one is kind of a joke but also kind of not a joke because faux fur (vests, coats, SCARVES??) is in this season!
ENJOY BITCHES. HAPPY $PENDING.